So, this week has been really hard. Not that that is necessarily an excuse not to work on my assignments. But I can say the last week has definitely been one of the worst, if not THE worst week of my life. And I wish that I could say that was an exaggeration. This week my family lost our dachshund, Cody, very suddenly and it has been so unbelievably difficult to deal with. We got Cody on my 10th birthday, and I am now 22, so he has been with us for a long time.
This picture was from the night we got him..
I know lots of people would say this about their pet, but he was just the perfect little boy. All he wanted was cuddles, pets, and kisses and he never snapped at anyone. He was so tolerable, letting me play with his ears, or poke his face and he would just sit there, enjoying the attention. If he was outside when I came home from school or work, he would run up to my car door, wagging his tail so hard his entire body would shake. And when any of our family would stand still for a while he would come over and put his foot on theirs because he wanted to be close.
It is really hard going through every day, trying to find the energy to do even the most minimal tasks when you are so consumed by grief. Sometimes, unfortunately, you do not realize how significant of an impact someone, or something, has on your life until they're gone and I have spent the last week dwelling on a lot of regret. Like letting school and work stop me from spending quality time with him. The whole situation just feels like a mistake. He got sick one morning, the vet said his vitals were fine, and he was gone the next day. It was so sudden that I keep expecting to come home and see him and say, "Oh, there you are! Where have you been?". Even when I am home it is hard to accept. It is easy to think that he is just in the next room until I see the shoes where his bed used to be, and the empty space where his food bowl should be.
I know this is supposed to be an update about my project but it is an obstacle that has inhibited my progress this week and I truly just want to immortalize him in any way that I can. It feels impossible for him to be gone. He was one of the most treasured things in my life and I wish I knew what was to come so I could have given him the special treatment he deserved.
This was the last picture I ever took of him, a couple weeks before he died. I actually took this picture because he never wanted to spend time with me on my bed because it shook a little and it scared him. So it was really special that he wanted to spend that time with me.
As far as my project goes, I did make a little progress this week. One morning I completed one of my photoshop images but did not really have the mental capacity to come up with anymore ideas at the time. I did keep a little notepad with me throughout the week where I jotted down ideas and I hope to work on those this weekend. But here is the one I did finish...
I think it is pretty neat. I am happy with it and I am looking forward to trying out my other ideas. I also spent some time in the studio today trying to get some self portraits and I think I got some nice ones. Then I took an hour or so to go out and take some photos just for fun since it was so nice out. It was a comforting activity and it was the first time in several days that I was able to bring myself to truly smile.
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